How to avoid getting defensive & handle racist comments
My last 4th-tier US soccer match was a journey. It included a big offside non-call and a racist insult.
I AR’d my 2nd semi-pro game a few nights ago. Here’s how my 1st went.
Here’s what I’m taking away from the game!
1. One big offside call
There were a lot of big moments in the game.
One was an offside call that made waves.
The defensive team on my half tried to play an offside trap at one point. Everybody stepped up but one defensive player didn’t get the message. He was at least 5 yards back from his fellow defenders.
A through ball was played and the attacker was clearly onside because of that last defender.
The attacking player scored past the goalkeeper and I run back to the top of the penalty area with my flag down.
The players were all looking at me, incredulous that it wasn’t offside. I even heard them telling the referee something like, “he’s waving his flag all over the place! He doesn’t know what he’s doing!”
And what did I do?
I got defensive. The wrong response, but it’s what happened.
I pointed at the defender who had kept the attacker onside and tried to explain to the players what had happened across the field.
To be honest, I felt unfairly blamed for the goal. I felt they thought I wasn’t good at my job. I felt they thought I’d cost them a goal.
I felt a lot of things in that moment.
But it was a silly thing to do and didn’t help the situation. It’s my responsibility to be the one who stays cool, calm and collected regardless of the situation.
Anyway, the situation lasted about 10 seconds and then we moved onto the restart.
Takeaways
I don’t need to explain myself to anybody if I don’t feel it’s necessary. Sure, it can be helpful in certain circumstances when you’re speaking directly to players in close proximity. But raising my voice to talk to players across the pitch as an AR is not a good look. Noted and it’s not a mistake I’ll make again.
Feeling defensive is a funny thing because often it happens without you actively noticing. Next time I hear players making these kinds of remarks, I just need to keep my cool and understand they’re frustrated because they think they’ve been scored on unfairly. My role is to call the game as fairly as possible, not make either team happy or unhappy.
2. Racism
This happened across the field from me and involved the center and other AR. We had no comms so everything I know about what was said came second-hand.
One hispanic player made a reckless challenge on a black player from the other team. It would have been a pretty straightforward caution if the hispanic player hadn’t leaned over the black player and called him, “un mono” (a monkey).
The center gave the player a straight red card and send him off right away.
Takeaways
This shit sucks but it does happen. I just need to continue to be aware that I need to keep my ears wide open when officiating in any capacity. It just takes a moment for something to be said and if I miss it, that would mean the difference between a calm game and one that boils over.
It’s also a good reminder to continue focusing on always having good positions to call fouls and run quickly into the area when a hard challenge is made. Those are heightened moments and I need close proximity to manage things.
Know a soccer ref? Feel free to share this with them 💙